Recently my friend Jesse Gros brought up the idea of how Social Media is all about posting the good, the bright, the shiny – the part that we want people to see. But rarely do we “show ‘em our uglies” as he says on Facebook. Rarely do we talk about the truths in our life….what is really going on, how hard parenthood is, how hard marriage is, how hard just life in general can be at times. He suggested that every Tuesday we start sharing our truths with #truesday. At first I didn’t want to participate, because due to my career I thought “What if people realized I wasn’t perfect? Would they still respect me as a coach?” The Life Coaching world tends to rarely show it’s uglies and it’s something that I struggle with…Coaches only showing beautiful pictures of themselves, writing posts about uplifting/spiritual things, posting inspirational quotes, etc. etc…yet I know some of these “famous” coaches quite well and I also know that their lives are not perfect. Yet, as I grow in my career, I unconsciously find myself trying to mold myself like them. Hiding my uglies. Keeping quiet unless I have something positive to share (and even then I rarely share, because it doesn’t always feel authentic to me). And when I hold back it feels icky inside. It feels inauthentic – because while my life is generally good – it is not perfect, and I definitely have my own shit to work on. I oftentimes wonder, if people realized that I wasn’t perfect, that my bedroom is oftentimes way messier than I would like, that the first few months of marriage have felt really hard because my husband was gone handling family matters for the first 2.5 months of it, that I’ve gained 7 pounds since our wedding and oftentimes judge myself as “fat”, and that I find it annoying AF when people continue to ask me if I am pregnant yet (because no, let’s be clear, I’m not)….if the world knew all of this and more, would they still respect me? I realized that they would probably respect me more, because all of a sudden I would be relatable again – but honestly it doesn’t really matter if the world respects me – because what is important is that I would respect myself again, as I wouldn’t feel like I was hiding anymore.
The other day I was on a call with one of my coaches Brian Whetten, and he was talking about the concept of Heroic vs. Authentic Leadership. I realized in that moment, that in the past few months I have been sliding back into Heroic Leadership – the Heroic Leader says “I need to do this on my own, I need to portray that I am the expert, I need to show everyone that I’m strong and I’ve got this”. Whereas the Authentic Leader says “I don’t need to be perfect in order to be seen, I can love myself through my “uglies” and use them as opportunities for growth, and I can share openly and ask for help from those around me.” I remembered that Authentic Leadership is SO MUCH EASIER. Because it takes so much work to try and hide. It takes work to try and be the Hero. It takes way too much effort to try and be perceived as perfect. And I’m over it. While at times it does feel hard to vulnerably share, in the long run it’s so much easier because in those shares it means that I am breaking down the barrier, bringing acceptance into myself for my imperfections and allowing myself (and all of myself – not just the shiny parts) to be seen.
So who is with me? Who wants to join in and start sharing their truths on Tuesday? And let’s be clear, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t still post our wins, pictures of our adorable babies, love filled moments with our spouse, how much weight we have lost, etc…I’m all about celebrating our wins and sharing them publicly and having others share in that goodness with us. But what I’m suggesting is that we also share some of our “uglies” – the parts that we try to hide sometimes – it doesn’t have to be your biggest, darkest secret, we can start small with messy bedrooms and kids’ meltdowns in the grocery store, but if we all stood in this together, then maybe we would see that all of us struggle, that all of us have our opportunities for learning and doing better, and in that, then maybe, just maybe, we wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves and would start allowing ourselves to fully be seen…..
So starting Tuesday – I’ll be posting a new #truesday post. Will you join me?